Yesterday was like stepping into a different plane of existence. I don’t know why it didn’t hit me until Day 13, but that’s what happened. I barely had the energy to make the bed, let alone get dressed. It takes me awhile to respond to crisis. My way of coping is to knuckle down and get through it. I keep myself very busy. I cook. I clean. Neither of which interested me yesterday. I read. That wasn’t cutting it either. Writing, my go-to for restoration and my outlet for creative energy, had no appeal whatsoever.
And I had no chocolate in the house. Well, except for a box of Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies. I ate a whole sleeve of those, but it was no help. Tasty, but no help. I’m spoiled by the proximity of my children and grandchildren, but for now they might as well be living on the moon. Oh, they drop by to pick lemons or oranges, and wave at me through the window. That helps. But they are all busy with online school and online work. And I’m online too much, looking for connection, for information, but none of it satisfies. Too many dark stories take front and center in the news. And I know that’s the way it has to be for a time such as this.
There’s no real information out there in any case. Yes, we have charts and graphs and statistics of all kinds, heart-wrenching stories of this virus and some heartwarming stories of those on the front lines doing the best they can with what they have.
But what we crave is somebody, anybody who tells it straight and knows the facts, to tell us just how long we will be locked in our respective towers. Not knowing anything about this virus, how long it lives, what can eliminate it, how those infected can treat it, puts us in a kind of foggy stasis. At least that’s what it has periodically done to me.
There are some things we know for sure. We weren’t prepared for any of this. Our government has been stripped of expertise, of intelligence and those who can thoughtfully meet this challenge. Advisors who don’t adulate and flatter soon find themselves out the door. The huge, narcissistic ego that must be fed a steady diet of fame and acclaim has kept us all in a constant state of fear for the last three years even without a pandemic before us. No wonder so many of us feel on the edge of panic.
And then last night we were treated to a wonderful piano concert online, on Facebook, by our talented nephew Josh Nelson.
He played some of his favorite ‘tunes’, as he says, showed us some wonderful movie memorabilia, vinyl records, and classic sheet music from the early 20th century. He sipped a Manhattan, and all of us watching had our own favorite cocktail while we shared this very entertaining and engaging Happy Hour. So grateful for a little lightheartedness in the midst of our current storm! It was real tonic for the lagging spirit.
I woke up today with a lighter heart, and ready to do the necessary housekeeping. I have music accompanying me as I move through this day. KUSC plays and I find my mind and my spirit lifted.
The weather is gorgeous here – sunny with a few rain showers – which brings clouds of all shapes and shades. I feel like I am truly looking at all of them, metaphorical and real, from both sides now, finding them illusive, unknowable, as the song says. But for today I am finding them beautiful and I’ll stick with that.